I am actually in California right now, but I wanted to quickly post about a great experience I had Wed. morning before leaving on our trip. I was up bright and early at 4:15am and on my way to pick up some of the beehives (girls group from our church ages 12-13) to go to the temple to do baptisms for the dead. For those of you not familiar with my church, click here to find out what I mean. Anyway, it was so fun to see how willing/eager these girls were to wake up early on a summer morning to serve the Lord.
Anyway, before doing the actual baptisms we had the President of the temple and his wife talk to us a bit. The temple Matron said that she felt inspired to talk to us about how she had grown up in a home where a lot of harsh words and loud voices prevailed. That was something she was somewhat used to until she got married. She told about how she and her husband were in California where he was in law school at Stanford. While they were there she was in Sunday school where the lesson was about controlling your tongue. She then said that her bishop at the time made a comment about how he felt like every time he lost his temper, he lost a piece of himself. That bishop turned out to be my uncle who later was made a General Authority of the church. I was so touched, not only because it was about my dear uncle, but because this is something I have been thinking about a lot lately.
I was blessed to grow up in a home where harsh words/voices were rarely used. I can honestly say that I cannot recall a time that I heard my mother's voice raised in anger. Now, I am the youngest and I'm sure there were times where she did raise her voice, but they were obviously few and far between because I do not remember a single time. Of course this was normal to me and have since learned that I was truly blessed by this "not so normal" behavior. I grew up with the delusion that I would be a mother exactly like mine. I have learned that I am not nearly as patient and nurturing as she was. It hurts me to know that I have raised my voice to my children due purely to my own frustration. I have really been praying for an increase in patience, and for the guidance and discipline to control my voice. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not yelling and verbally abusing my kids, but I am not at all happy with the ever increasing times that I have lost my temper.
Again, I have to pay tribute to my mother for her great example and nurturing. I don't think I was unaware of the blessing of her positive nature, but as a mother I think I have a more sure appreciation of the ENORMOUS effect it has had on my life. I want so much for my kids to feel warmth, love, kindness, and happiness when they are with me, or hear from me. As I have gotten older I have become so much more aware of how many homes have daily bouts of yelling, name calling, blaming, and disruptions. I truly think that I was at the right place at the right time while doing that work at the temple. Not only for the service it provides, but for the message I received and the inspiration to do better.
Thanks for letting me blather on.
- Any thoughts?
- Do you ever feel the same way?
- What are the best things you have learned from your mother?
5 comments:
Sounds like you have an incredible mom! I struggle, as we all do, with geting frustrated as well. I have found it is usually only when I am in a hurry to accomplish things that I lose patience with my kids. I try to prepare as much as possible in advance of an outing or event, yet it is a daily battle. I am inspired to do better, thanks for your post!
Ryan and I have had this discussion recently because we noticed that Sophie was yelling at Tyler and Lily for various reasons. I had to step back and re-evaluate how I handle issues at home, and I am sure she is learning some of it from me, which makes me so sad. I too am trying to do better. I like what your uncle said about losing a piece of you each time you raise your voice. I truly feel that way. Thanks for sharing!
As for things I have learned from my mom...she has set such a great example on how to give unconditionally-even when you thinkg you don't have much to give. I hope I can be more like her in that regard.
Kara, I needed this post. Not that Anna's doing anything for me to get upset about yet, but just for controlling frustration in general. I love your outlook on things. You are awesome and I am impressed with the 4:15 wake up call! Since I don't have any of my own sisters, I feel lucky to have such great sister-in-laws that are such good examples for me. Hope you guys had a great time at Disneyland!
Kara-
How impressive that story about losing your temper was remembered and lives on. I am here to attest to the fact what your saying about our home growing up is true. Being the parent now increasses ones perspective on how lucky we were and how rare it was to have such a positive and cheerful environment to grow up in. Unfortunately it set such an incredibly high standard that I'm continually falling short. My temper is probably my number one weekness. I needed to hear this. Home is a feeling. Rarely are the details of what you do growing up remembered, but the general "feeling" leaves a lasting impression. I wish my home was a bit more of a sanctuary. The contention is extremely difficult for me. We were so blessed. Thanks for the reminder. I think you were inspired to go to the temple that day for me too. Always-Heather
Hey we were in Calif when you guys were here...but next time come see us in Naperville! Its not too far away...hope Disneyland is a blast! I think we will be in AZ next month for a week so Jennie and I will call you and hang out. See ya then! Karen
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