Well, the other day I was pondering (in the tub - great place to ponder by the way) and I realized that if you think about it...I'm quite possibly only about 1/3 into my life. Yes, you never know, and I'm not saying that I'll live to 99, but it really helped me think of the possibilities. I have so much to look forward too, and a lot of time to become who I want to be. This epiphany didn't make me think "hey there is so much time, now I'm going to slack off." It was the complete opposite. It made me motivated to do all I can RIGHT NOW! Why did I think that who I am is defined by what I've done at age 33? I'm finally realizing that it ain't over 'till the fat lady sings! Perhaps you have all realized this and I'm just a bit slow on the uptake, but it has really put a spring to my step.
"I feel that I'm in transition. I'm becoming who I want to be," she says. "By the time I had four children, I thought it would be done. … [But] the idea that I'm not done—that I still have possibilities, that I still don't know what I'm going to be when I grow up—is liberating."Just focusing on the fact that each day I can work to improve the things that I need to has made look more positively at each day.
"I just figured that unless there was a good reason to say no, the answer might as well be yes."How true is that? She wasn't trying to be philosophical in any way. That is just how she works. I need help with that in a bad bad way. I tend to get too worked up about the little things, IE. messes, time demands, messes, noise, messes, schedules, etc. I never remember my mom being rushed, or frantic. I feel like that's all my kids see. I get short with them, and tend to not want them to "help" because it's easier to do it myself. I completely lose sight of what my real "job" is, and that is to teach, nurture, exemplify, and foster in my kids all the things I want them to learn and know to become the best people they can be. I spend way too much time on the household, and not near enough in the nurturing.
That is going to change.
I'm not going to let the house go downhill, but I need to let go of things that aren't helping me in my job. I need to delegate other things. I guess I just really need to hunker down and decide what is best for us! It may be very different from what other families choose to do, but it needs to be right for us, and I need to take advantage of this short time I have at home with my kids. More and more I see that they will be grown and gone before I know it. I am starting to feel the urgency.
I know this is a lot of rambling, but it is things I've been thinking a lot about lately. There is a great book out there that talks a lot about slowing down for your kids. It's called "Mitten Strings For God - Reflections for Mothers in a Hurry" by Katrina Kenison. You can click HERE to get a preview of the first 20 pages or so of the book. Of course I recommend you get yourself a copy and put it on your nightstand next to your copy of "Gift From the Sea" by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. I posted about that one HERE.
The other thing that Maria Shriver said on that show that really struck me was this:
"I have learned now to dial it back, to try to work to just be with my children, to actually look at who they are individually," she says. "I have found a new gentleness and kindness in myself, for myself and for others."You may not know, but my personal word for the year is GENTLE. I loved how she used that word in this quote because it is exactly what I am striving for. If you care, you can read my post about that word HERE.
Now when I grab a doorknob in the house and it's a sticky grimy mess, I am going to try to remember to appreciate that I have these wonderfully active kids that get their hands into things. If the house is a mess because we have been spending time together, I'm going to be grateful. If it takes twice as long to cook/clean because I had four little helpers, I am going to enjoy every minute. (that's the goal at least) It's all about perspective right?
12 comments:
I think there are many of us who struggle with the same things you just mentioned.
And you are right-- IT IS all about perspective. Whenever I am doing my best, and am happy, I can handle almost anything.
I'm not a mom but just wanted you to know this was such a great post! I loved your sister's comment about saying yes. I think that's brilliant! I need to remember that with the children in my life (well, and people in general too.)
Amen to all of that. I can so relate. Thanks for the great perspective. It really is all about the perspective!
Funny that is what your wise mom's advice was...years ago when I read Sr. Hinckley's Glimpses, one of the things that stood out to me was the fact that her philosophy as a parent was to say "no" as little as possible. Although I am not very good at that, it has stuck in my mind and has made a big difference on many occasions.
The other lesson from that Glimpses book that has stuck with me came from when Sr Hinckley was asked to give a lesson and decided to give a lesson just like Pat Holland would give. She said she sat there and sat there and nothing came and she realized "I'm no Pat Holland. I guess I'd better give the best lesson Marge Hinckley can give!" or something like that.
You are amazing Kara. Don't worry too much about all the things you think you aren't doing, or even about whether you are doing it as well as your mom. You are doing it your way and from where I'm watching you are doing an outstanding job!! And now maybe I should take my own advice ;-)
ps--I just bought Gift From the Sea and was going to call you for the name of the mittens book. Thanks for sharing and can't wait to read them!!
I have thought about that quote from you Mom at least 100 times since you shared it with me few weeks back. It has made such a difference in the way that I think about things/situations. I LOVE it. Thanks for sharing. Great Post!
I loved this post. It's so true that we shouldn't expect to be the person we want to be at 33...heaven knows I have a ways to go. I loved your thoughts on your kids and the messes, that is the one thing that really gets me bent out of shape and I only have one mess maker!! I do need to tone it down in that department. Your words are inspiring!
so, i have a few thoughts on that post, which i loved by the way. since you've been up front about being you and not caring so much about what others think, i'm going to allow myself the same liberty.
first of all, you're way too hard on yourself. it's important to evaluate where we are and what we're doing so that we can improve and grow continually, but there is no reason to get down on ourselves in the meantime...it will do no good to dwell on that. this is coming from someone who struggles with the same thing.
also, i was talking to my mom about that maria shriver interview, and we came to one of many great conclusions, and that is that 'who we are' is not defined by what we're doing or have done. it's easy to think that sometimes, but we are who we are regardless of what we're doing. does that make sense? you are a mother, wife, teacher, friend, daughter, etc. focus on that, which after reading the rest of your post you're doing.
i love what you said about enjoying the journey more. i have a friend with 5 kids, the oldest is 8 and the youngest twins are 18 mo. she is such a role model to me of someone who doesn't sweat the small stuff. her house is clean and organized, but she's not ashamed of the occasional messes. she realizes that if she's always worried about the messes, she'll never leave the house and they'll never have any fun. it's actually really refreshing for me to go to her house andshee that sometimes its a little messy, and she isn't trying to apologize or make excuses for it.
you're amazing and such a role model to me. i so wish you lived closer.
kara-loved this post! I haven't been commenting much lately as i'm trying to use my time more wisely, but know that i do still read daily! i loved your comment about needing to learn to delegate and do what is best for your family. this is something i am really learning--not to compare ourselves to others and what may be best for them, but to focus on our kids and husbands and do what works best--no matter what others may think! I loved that you put this in your post as it's a great reminder to me as well. I miss you and hope to talk to you soon!
kara-i just set up a blog for side by side and it looks like my comments are coming from there...not sure how to change this!! Any tips??
love love love this Kara. Such an inspiration. It really is so important to enjoy the journey. And you are such a great example of this. You are more like your wonderful mom than you realize.
Hey, on a different note, what was that blog back-up site you talked about? was that you?
I watched that Oprah too. Amazing insights. For some reason, some of us are caught up in either who we thought we would be or who are mothers were. I find myself often caught up in both- because I had great expectations for myself and a wonderful mother. But I love the idea that we have the rest of our lives to work and evolve towards whatever we want in that moment. It makes me think of my closest friends- whoever they may be at the time... I gravitate and pull out from each one of them the traits I most love, and then I strive to be more like them in that particular way. That's why having unique friends is so fabulous. Hopefully, in the end, by being a little like so and so, a dash of so and so, and a pinch of another so and so and a whole bunch of regular me... can add up to be a pretty decent someone. I ponder in the tub too. Its the best.
Kara,
What a cute blog. I decided as I was reading this that I totally relte to you in so many ways. (By the way, this is Mike Morrison's wife in case you weren't sure who this was!) Your kids are so cute. Thanks for letting us be a part of your life.
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