TTA - A New Year

Happy New Year!!!

Of course it is the time of year where we reflect on our life and choose things to change and/or improve. For the past few years I've chosen not to make a long list that will only make me feel guilty all year. I've decided instead to choose a word that I can apply to all areas of my life. A couple of years ago I chose PATIENCE. I'm still working on that one!

For 2007 my word has been SIMPLIFY. Although few things got more simple in my life, I do think I was better at realizing that I don't have to do as much as I usually do. It's okay if I buy Halloween costumes instead of make them. It's okay to say "No, I can't host a jewelry party." It's okay to order food for the big get together instead of make it all. It's okay that we have only decorated two rooms in our house after a year and a half. It has been one of the hardest years of my life and I really feel like I have been personally tested. I am always feeling like I'm not doing enough, doing it well, doing it cheerfully, pleasing my Heavenly Father. I've also been feeling a lot lately that I have a lot of untapped potential. Growing up I knew I could do anything and be anybody. It wouldn't say it was ego, just a healthy sense of confidence instilled by my parents and siblings. I find myself often wondering if there isn't more I should be doing. I don't think these feelings have helped me much this year, so my word for 2008 will hopefully give me a new perspective on things for myself and others.

G E N T L E is my word for 2008. I've been thinking about it for a few months and have come up with several ways I can apply this to life. First and most obvious is to physically be more GENTLE. I am one of those that walks fast, climbs stairs two at a time, throws the kids cups in the drawer while unloading the dishwasher, drives a little too fast, etc. Basically I'm a high energy, always running kind of person. I often tell myself to just SLOW DOWN and take a deep breath. I always feel like I'm running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. I'm too loud, and often don't think before I speak. I'm hoping my word will help me to relax, speak softer, move and think more GENTLY.

I am going to be more GENTLE with others, their feelings, and their circumstances. I had an experience recently that reminded me of this. I have always been grateful for my disdain of gossip. I find no pleasure in it and actually get very nervous and uncomfortable when I'm around people who engage in it. That being the case I was literally sick to my stomach recently when I returned from a fun night of dessert with some friends and realized that some of my comments about an individual had absolutely crossed the line into gossip. I was horrified with myself and wanted so bad to take it back. I had a hard time sleeping that night and the first thing I had to do the next morning was call all the friends I had been with and apologize. I wanted them to know that I was aware of how ugly the comments were. I also wanted them to know that after contemplation my comments were not a true reflection of how I felt about the individual and their situation. I was thinking to myself that I had NO idea what that person and/or family was going through and I was trying to make a judgment. I thought that I would hope that people would show compassion for me in a similar situation and not judge. I needed to be more GENTLE with people. My friends were really cute about my awkward apology and I was so glad that I let them know that was not the kind of person I was. I am going to be more GENTLE with others.

I am going to be more GENTLE with my kids. THEY ARE ONLY KIDS! I sometimes forget that they are learning as they go and I am their guide. I can't expect my 3 year old to act like I would in every situation. I can't expect my home to remain clean and clutter free with a 7, 5, 3, and 1 year old roaming around. I also need to be more GENTLE in my discipline. I don't hit my kids, but I raise my voice and get irritated more that I should. Sometimes I do grab and forcefully lead them to time out more harshly that I should. I need to be more GENTLE with their feelings and what's important to them in this stage of their lives. Mostly I want to be more GENTLE in my words and actions with them.

I am going to be more GENTLE with myself. Like I said previously this last year has been hard on me in so many ways. I don't think that my constant criticism of myself and lack of abilities in many areas is helping me a lot. I need to remember that we are all imperfect in different ways. I NEVER EVER thought I would compare myself with others in ways that I have this past year. I have always been confident and appreciated that everyone has different talents. I have found myself too often saying things like, "how does she do it?" Or, "if only I had it all together like so and so." I need to stop that and count all the amazing and overflowing blessings I have. My kids will survive if I'm not going all out for every event, holiday, and milestone. I truly admire those who are so organized and have so much energy to make every day an event for their kids. I'm not like that and I need to accept it. There are a lot of things I do right, and a lot of things I don't. As long as I continue to try to work on those things that need improvement, that's all I can do. I am going to be more GENTLE with myself.

I could go on and on about the ways to apply this word...the environment, family situations, my body, finances, but you get the idea. The point is that it is MY word for the year and I am going to try to apply it in all facets of my life. I am so grateful for friends and family that love and support me. I am so grateful for a testimony of my Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ. I know that there is nothing that I can't accomplish with His help. Now I just need to get out there and DO MY BEST!